You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
