used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
