I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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