My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
nutella sex= disaster
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
