i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
