bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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