What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
And then he peed in my hair
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