you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
