I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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