i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
