Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
