i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
