this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
