No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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