I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
