No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
