I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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