when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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