That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Come share oat with me in your robe
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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