She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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