Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
