I can tuck mytits in my pants
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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