She's JV to your varsity
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
