he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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