I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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