bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
