Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
