My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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