just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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