True but thats because hes a fetus.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
