He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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