I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
