dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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