Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
