i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My life is pants optional.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
