I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
