I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
