The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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