So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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