Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
