awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Randomize
