Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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