Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I want to make a zoo with you.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
