i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
