You smell like a Billy Joel song
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
