This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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