New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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