How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
