I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
