i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Couch. On fire.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
