Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
