he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
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