your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
