nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
