i don't plan on having that self control this summer
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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