Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
