I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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